Last month we raised the matter of “choice.” It would be hard to give too much consideration to this because it is so significant a factor in our lives. Focusing on how choice influences our self image emphasizes the fact that we have a measure of control over how we feel/think about ourselves. It also points to the many other kinds of choices that we make in life which influence our self esteem, e.g. activities in which we engage and people with whom we associate.  Here are some questions to ponder: What are some things that I have done well? How would I describe a time when I felt really good about myself? I can make a positive difference in someone else’s life by . . . ?

And what about these: Who has had the most positive influence in my life and how? Whom do I most respect of all the people I have known? Whom can I trust to be there for me no matter what? 

Are you among the fortunate who can answer all of these questions readily and positively? Congratulations! Both you and people you know are contributing in a healthy way to the development of your self image. This increases the likelihood of your being able to accomplish whatever you desire and becoming the woman you were meant to be.

Or are you one of those who are not quite so comfortable answering these questions? In fact, is it hard to put a positive spin on any of the responses you came up with? I would invite you to do some serious soul searching as you explore the choices you have made in your life and the consequences they have incurred. All of these factors influence your self image–your picture of who you are and what you are worth. Changing the past is not an option; determining how we want to build the future most certainly is!

Within the parameters determined by some of your past choices, you have a lot of freedom to design both today and the future and to create a thing of beauty for all to behold. The choice is yours!

What are you saying about yourself?

Healthy self-esteem is based on a clear understanding of who you are and what you have to offer the world. Does that make sense to you? If so, think about what informs your understanding. I suggest there are two directions from which that information might come: inside you and outside you. On the inside you are filled with memories, impressions, beliefs, etc. which prompt you to talk to yourself in specific ways. Yes, talk to yourself. Not surprisingly we call this “self-talk.” Self-talk can be negative (typically unhealthy) or positive (usually healthy). So what have you been saying about yourself to yourself lately? Whatever that is, it powerfully impacts your self-esteem.

On the other hand, there is the information that comes from the outside–from other people (some who matter a great deal to you and some who are strangers or barely acquaintances), from the media and from things you read. Interesting implications to all that, just one of which is: how much do you want to be influenced by people whom you do not know? (I do see the irony here since that may include me!)

I will be posting more about this topic soon. In the meantime, I would love to hear from you about what influences your self-esteem on any given day.

Every day you get to choose your opinion of yourself–whether you will have healthy self-esteem or low self-esteem. To whom are you listening today?

Starting with you!

What comes to mind when you think of “the threshold of a New Year”? Is there an ominous ring to it or does it sound full of promise and hope? What do you want it to be? More important–how committed are you to making that happen?

Undoubtedly, there will be much that is outside your control–but what about the rest? The very considerable part of life that is absolutely within your control. The part that starts in your head & resonates everywhere else. When you become aware of what is going on there and choose to harness it for good– yours, and others’ and God’s,–then you will start to see those hopes and dreams and goals come true. And . . . you begin to tap into the astounding potential that is uniquely you.

“Today, when I think about the year ahead, I will focus on the good that is coming.” (Melody Beattie)

Esteem Yourself

Here are some of the stategies for building self-esteem. They will be elaborated upon in forthcoming blog posts.

ESTEEM YOURSELF–AN ACRONYM

Enjoy your strengths

See the humour in situations

Take responsibility for your own well-being

Eliminate negative self talk

Esteem others

Make time for yourself

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Yearn to be excellent, not perfect!

Observe appropriate boundaries

Understand your limitations

Recognize your own needs are important

Set realistic goals for yourself

Exercise regularly

Learn something new every day

Feed your soul

New Beginning

How many times have you told yourself it is time for a new beginning, a fresh start, a clean slate? Time to explore new avenues, let go of the past, follow a different path, give yourself a shake and move forward? Never mind how many times you have done it before; are you ready to do it today? And mean it. Because if you are, or if you think you might be ready soon, then I challenge you to determine that you will take this bold, significant, courageous step starting right now. And I wish to invite myself along on the journey. At the same time, I invite you to share your experiences, not only with me, but with others who are also ready to begin again.

There is strength in numbers and encouragement to be gained from one another. There is value in combining our wisdom and satisfaction in knowing we are not alone.

I am writing particularly with women in mind. And especially women of Christian faith who have recently faced the challenge of being separated or divorced from the person they believed would be their lifelong partner. For there are many who are in this situation and struggling with grief, guilt, and lowered self-esteem.

What I want to offer you is the opportunity to share your heart’s longings here and to begin to move forward into a place of confidence and renewed hope, based not on yourself but on God’s promises and truth. For it is not God’s desire that you languish in a place of defeat and despair, but rather that you gradually fulfill the potential He has planned for you. And that is a place where your inner beauty is unveiled, your confidence is firmly in Him and your heart is at rest.