How many times have you told yourself it is time for a new beginning, a fresh start, a clean slate? Time to explore new avenues, let go of the past, follow a different path, give yourself a shake and move forward? Never mind how many times you have done it before; are you ready to do it today? And mean it. Because if you are, or if you think you might be ready soon, then I challenge you to determine that you will take this bold, significant, courageous step starting right now. And I wish to invite myself along on the journey. At the same time, I invite you to share your experiences, not only with me, but with others who are also ready to begin again.
There is strength in numbers and encouragement to be gained from one another. There is value in combining our wisdom and satisfaction in knowing we are not alone.
I am writing particularly with women in mind. And especially women of Christian faith who have recently faced the challenge of being separated or divorced from the person they believed would be their lifelong partner. For there are many who are in this situation and struggling with grief, guilt, and lowered self-esteem.
What I want to offer you is the opportunity to share your heart’s longings here and to begin to move forward into a place of confidence and renewed hope, based not on yourself but on God’s promises and truth. For it is not God’s desire that you languish in a place of defeat and despair, but rather that you gradually fulfill the potential He has planned for you. And that is a place where your inner beauty is unveiled, your confidence is firmly in Him and your heart is at rest.
I have recently separated from my husband of 8 years. We have two young children together (2 and 5).
I was the one who finally suggested we separate after many months and probably years if I’m honest with myself, of unhappiness and lack of emotional connection.
I had hoped that if we lived separately we could work on our relatiionship and make some positive changes and come back to one another more in love and happy.
He moved out of our home on August 3rd and I have recently discovered he is with another women.
I am devastated and now very confused and doubting my decsion. I wish I hadn’t asked him to leave even though I know it must have been the right decision at the time.
Everyone keeps saying “Well doesn’t that just confirm your decision that he is devoid of emotional depth and unable to self-reflect”? It doen’t seem to help? Any advice?????
Sandy, thank you for sharing. I think it is difficult to hear people (well-meaning though they may be) say things that seem to further increase the distance between you and your husband.
From this place of grief which is often overwhelming and confusing, it is hard to imagine making any sense of what has happened, never mind rationalizing it as some folks may want you to do.
Your reactions sound absolutely normal and appropriate to the circumstances and second-guessing is understandable. At the same time, I hear that you can affirm yourself for doing what you believe you needed to do in order to establish a healthier foundation for your relationship.
I am wondering if you have a support network in place and if you are able to think about self care, given the presence of young children and increased responsibility. If not, or not much, perhaps we can talk about how to make them happen to help sustain you through this transition period.
Lynne,
You say “it is hard to imagine making any sense of what has happened, never mind rationalizing it as some folks may want you to do”
Yet she must rationalize it for it to make sense. We are barely evolved animals and almost all men seek women out for the purpose of spreading their genetic message. You separated and cut him off from his source and he almost immediately found a replacement.
His lack of emotional connection are more due to physical differences in the male/ female brain than his personality.
There are men out in the world that are emotionally able to connect with women, but are few and far between.
I hope it all works for you and that find happiness.
Jag,
Point well taken–Sandy and all of us need to find ways of making sense of our world and the things that happen to us. However, at those times when we are in the most pain, it is tempting to settle for easy answers, simple explanations and quick fixes.
When I responded to Sandy, I was reflecting on how challenging it is to understand things in the midst of complicated grief.
Although I do not agree with your premise about being “barely evolved animals” I do think there may well be a survival aspect to his behaviour.
I am wondering–what sort of experiences have other women had when they initiated separation?