Point well taken–Sandy and all of us need to find ways of making sense of our world and the things that happen to us. However, at those times when we are in the most pain, it is tempting to settle for easy answers, simple explanations and quick fixes.

When I responded to Sandy, I was reflecting on how challenging it is to understand things in the midst of complicated grief.

Although I do not agree with your premise about being “barely evolved animals” I do think there may well be a survival aspect to his behaviour.

I am wondering–what sort of experiences have other women had when they initiated separation?

You say “it is hard to imagine making any sense of what has happened, never mind rationalizing it as some folks may want you to do”

Yet she must rationalize it for it to make sense. We are barely evolved animals and almost all men seek women out for the purpose of spreading their genetic message. You separated and cut him off from his source and he almost immediately found a replacement.

His lack of emotional connection are more due to physical differences in the male/ female brain than his personality.

There are men out in the world that are emotionally able to connect with women, but are few and far between.

I hope it all works for you and that find happiness.

From this place of grief which is often overwhelming and confusing, it is hard to imagine making any sense of what has happened, never mind rationalizing it as some folks may want you to do.

Your reactions sound absolutely normal and appropriate to the circumstances and second-guessing is understandable. At the same time, I hear that you can affirm yourself for doing what you believe you needed to do in order to establish a healthier foundation for your relationship.

I am wondering if you have a support network in place and if you are able to think about self care, given the presence of young children and increased responsibility. If not, or not much, perhaps we can talk about how to make them happen to help sustain you through this transition period.

I was the one who finally suggested we separate after many months and probably years if I’m honest with myself, of unhappiness and lack of emotional connection.

I had hoped that if we lived separately we could work on our relatiionship and make some positive changes and come back to one another more in love and happy.

He moved out of our home on August 3rd and I have recently discovered he is with another women.

I am devastated and now very confused and doubting my decsion. I wish I hadn’t asked him to leave even though I know it must have been the right decision at the time.

Everyone keeps saying “Well doesn’t that just confirm your decision that he is devoid of emotional depth and unable to self-reflect”? It doen’t seem to help? Any advice?????